Months ago I read this book called Red Letters by Tom Davis. This book seriously changed my life. It opened my eyes so much. Through this book, God revealed to me what He wants me to do with my life (or at least for the next several years) and gave me the courage and drive to start doing it. After I read the book, I looked up other books that Tom Davis wrote. I found two. One was called Confessions of a Good Christian Guy, or something like that. Didn't really interest me much. The second was called Fields of the Fatherless. The name itself broke my heart. I wasn't able to buy it then because I was straight broke and had maybe two dollars in my account but I wrote it on my "Must Buy" book list. I started to look into the organizations this guy was apart of and found Children's HopeChest. I absolutely fell in love and saw that they were promoting this book called Scared. Curiosity got the best of me and I went to the book's website. The first thing I noticed was that Tom Davis was the author but it said it wasn't coming out until June of 2009...sad day. So I've basically been waiting for this book to come out for months. I was finally able to buy it (and Fields of the Fatherless) on Monday afternoon. I didn't really start reading it until today. Once I started I couldn't put it down.
I don't think I've cried that hard before. Not when my grandpa died. Not when my grandma died. Not when Jamie died. Not when I saw my mom in the hospital after her spinal surgery and thinking she was going to die. No, this was different. Before even reading this book I told myself over and over again that this was a fiction novel but that it was based on read events, real people, real life. I mentally tried to prepare myself for what I was about to read. From the very beginning of the book it was real to me. As I turned each page, I could think about nothing more than "This little girl exists. This is really happening. How is this possible?" With each page, my heart broke more and more for these characters. That's all they were...characters. I've never even met anyone with their names! But I knew those people existed. I knew they were real. I knew that these things were really happening....AIDS, death, rape, human trafficking, starvation....true evil. I don't think I've ever sobbed like that in my life. I couldn't help it. I felt so helpless. I am thousands of miles away. I don't even have a passport yet. What could I possibly do? So I just cried and prayed for this little girl. But not just her. For all of them. For the girls who are just like her. For their family. For those disgusting men that rape and beat those girls and take away everything they have. I didn't know what else to do but mourn for the lost lives. My heart broke, just as their hearts are breaking. And prayed to God like I never have before. I've never felt so desperate for something and I'm not even sure what I am desperate for. Maybe it's answers. Maybe it's direction. Maybe it was just as simple as I wanted my Daddy, my Abba, to comfort me. To hold me. To reassure me that He has a plan in all this mess in the world. To simply tell me it's going to be okay, that everyone is going to be okay. All I know is that it is not hope because I already have that. I am absolutely overwhelmed with nothing but pure hope and joy in all this.
This book is incredible. I can't put into words right now how truly amazing it is but it is more than worth reading. Through this book, I can finally see the hope in the world. I can see God's masterpiece unfolding slowly. I can truly trust that He is doing something. I think I finally realize what it means to truly be the hands and feet of God.
Ps Sorry if some of this didn't make sense. It's early and I haven't slept and to be honest I'm very overwhelmed with all this. I truly wish I could put into words (and have it actually make sense) how utterly amazing this book is. Life changing.
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